Full stop

 It's an end. Real end of the 1.5 years college's life.

Still remember how we meet up and form a class during the first day? I would say 1401 group 2 is the best thing I have met in my 1.5 years of college time. There's no egoless and jealousy among us. There's competition, but is a mutualism. Thanks to the presence of 24 of you in this class, maybe we won't be met around after this, but I genuinely grateful for anything that happened. The countless night that we spent in the learning hub struggling for our semester exam, the hundreds of zapfan (economic rice) that we have, the couple of hang out  to Sunway that we have after some important exam...... All this have truly carved in my mind, nothing else can replace my 18 years old memories beside this. 

"Two line will intercept, sparking, and separate again but the spark is there to prove the memory."   

11 August 2015 

A life change event happened. I told myself, it's a judgement day, a day of future judgement. "Life changed, miracles happened." Miracles do happened, I never thought I can score such a result in my A level. Unlike revealing of AS result, we are together to witness our hard work. This time, we hide in each of our room and click into the website by 1pm. Yes, we made it to our respective dream. Crying and screaming for our result, and future decision have to make. Without hesitation, JPA students have their chance to continue study at UK without any financial problem. I have my own worries. After all the emotional hours, i made my mind to study at Australia. Although it is definitely no the thing I want, thinking for the whole, I need to do this. Parents will never know how hard I fight for a place in the prestigious university that I longing for a long time, don't how many liter of tears have cried off to give up my dream. 

"Something is meant to be a dream to leave it a wonderland." 

Perhaps now I will regret of my choice, or I might not give up so easily for something that I hold on for such a long time. Reality strike in unnoticeable, I can't accept but I need to. 

Exactly one week after the result day,  I have thought a lot. I knew how cruel life is. It will not be as round as a circle, it will not be go with the flow all the time, it will be some friction along the way, but as long as I kept the faith, things may turn up great. I am blessed for what I have obtain. But the kiasu-ness inside every Asian's mindset bring all my happiness down once. They will compare A with A* although A is good enough. 90 marks to 99 marks although both are A*. What is the point to live under the unstoppable comparison?  I tapped myself on the shoulder and utter, " you have tried your best, how bad or how good people want to judge you is not include in your life. If they like to judge, let them be the judger. You live your own life." 

Dream is not necessarily to be real. If it took a great return, then it's time to think about reality and give up some of it. It's will not only come in a way, lower down the eye sight and you will see something different.

_szeyeeM

Aid

I'm not narcissism or saying something exaggerate. I can say that I am a kind-hearted person. Looking at the old lady beside the road walking aimlessly, I will jump down from the car and land a hand to her if condition allowed. Looking at an aged uncle eating at mamak stall alone without accompaniment of children, deep of my heart I wish to sit beside him and have a chat with him. I knew that how helpless they will be when they are strolling at the roadside or sitting alone hoping that their child will be beside them. 

Not regretting to be a first aider of St. John ambulance Malaysia since I'm in Sec 1 until now. Be a first aider, life rescuer, the things that you get from it is not money, but something that can't buy by using the dollars that you have - sense of happiness and accomplishment. You will never know how your small little action can affect a fragile life. A warm smile and greets to the casualties can actually pull their heartstrings. That's the reason why I am still wearing my uniform, going for duties without feeling of giving up this 'job'. It's no longer a CCA for me, it's a source of happiness, a candle to bright up others' life. Candle might burn up themselves, but for a good deed. Then why not to be a candle than a lighter? At least when you leave the world, there's thing that you proud of yourself. 

Being a first aider or a doctor, a nurse, the paramount principle is not only how much of theories that you have gained throughout the seven or eight years of studies, but a heart of gold, a heart that willing to help others without caring their status, religious, or the money that they will pay you. When doing a surgery, the only aim is to safe patient's life. When giving a course of medicines, doctor hope that the patient can have a speedy recovery. 

I have a dream to be an architect, but being a voluntary first aider will be my pass time. When you believe in how much you give to the society, God will give you the same thing as you gave, then the whole thing that you are doing is going to be priceless. 

Give a salute to the nurses and doctors out there, because they are fighting at the fine line between death and live. 

_szeyeeM 

Feeling

If one day I fail to smile, it's because you start to give me a very bad temper first. 

If one day I fail to reply your words, it's because you are busy with your phone but not me. 

If one day I start to think of want to get out of this house, it's because I can't feel warmness and happiness of a house anymore. 

If one day I start to think of die instantly, it's not because I'm done with my future, it's because I give up on my current life and people around me. 

If one day I catch my beg and walk out of this house without hesitation, it's because I'm tired of being alone in the house; I can't feel the care anymore. 

If one day I shout at you with my whole energy, it's the time I can't hold my thought anymore.

I tend to keep things to myself, I try to settle down every single stuff by myself because I don't want to be a burden for you. But sometime, I'm not big enough to settle down something, I need your help but what you have give me? Yes. No doubt you buy me things that I wish for. Nevertheless, did you know that the most I want is an hour of dinner time with you all, a simple ten minutes conversation, a trip without technology... 

I try to persuade myself that you are busy with work, you got no time to be with me, but what about the fifteen minute journey back to house everyday? 

_szeyeeM

Encounter

"A goodbye is for a better hello."

How if the next hello won't come in a short while, I hope we won't separate so far away. God put use together but separate us with a distance mean something? Perhaps I won't be so close to you and miss you so much if I'm  living next door to you.

Making a promise on the next date is hard, because I don't want to take it as a granted. It's not the reason that I scare I have not time to go for the next date, but I afraid that I'm not around any more. A promise is heavy, if you care, I know. I don't want myself to look forward a meet up and at last everything pull down.

I'm glad and bless for meeting you in life. Being a friend, to a best friend and a soul mate. I am sure that you know me to a higher level although we're not sticking together everyday, not chatting everyday, I'm sure you stalked me daily.(?) Being a best friend of mine is not easy, I'm not a very-easy-tolerate and easy going people. I can go mad in any second of time, I will not bother about you when you really do something over my limit. But luckily we're still fine now. I cherish time to stay together with you because even when we're not talking, the atmosphere is not weird and I'm not squeezing my brain juice to think of what to talk for the next second in order to break the silence. You're like a mum, a big sister of mine, you're not mentioning but I know you worried that I got my gastric pain again during famine 30. Forcing me to eat agin and again just to make sure I'm alright, but I hold on to my principle. To make you feel assured, I try hard not to mention about how pain I'm during the camp because I want everything go fine. I'm not someone who like to bring trouble to people, as you know. Encounting you in my life, I consider myself a lucky one. 

I'm playing with my phone when I'm walking, eating just because I'm bored. You're with your own stuff and I don't feel like disturbing all that. Haha. You said that we're talking but not chatting. But I sincerely hope that, one day we can sleep in one bed chatting deep into heart. You kept asking me when will I going oversea study in every meet up that we had throughout the year, but my answer is always the same- I don't know. Actually the offer letter was already laid in my mail box, how can I don't know about that? I hate the moment when we need to say goodbye, for a really long time of not meeting up. Maybe a year or a couple of years. I choose to not let you know and so that I can go off soundly. You will hate me for a moment, but I want you to remember how crazy I'm when im around but not the crying face when we're hugging in the airport sending me off. Let the date remain unknown and I can go without a tear rolling down across the cheeks. 

To my best friend, I'm blessed to have you, although we're apart but we're together. 

_szeyeeM