Phosphene

Phosphene : (n) the light and colour produced by rubbing your eyes. 

How wonderful the word presenting in it own way. I knew you are trying to rub your eye now to get these wonderful spot of colours appear in your line of sight. This is a natural phenomenal, is something that we can't control. When you want to cheer yourself up with the tiny colorful spots, but your eyes failed you. When you don't want it to happend and block your sight, it appeared. Things always happend out of our expectation in life, either you ready to catch it or you let it slides after your palm. If you refused to accept the truth when it already come in front of you, you crowned yourself as a coward. Facing the reality isn't scary, the scariest part is to know the consequences of running away from actuality. This is God means to let it happend, just catch the ball and figure it out what it look like. Don't always build a high wall in your heart and block the ball from reaching your hand. It's just like losing a chance. Losing an opportunity to change a life , to transform the current situation. The moment you reject the ball, it bounced back to others hand. Is this worth? Why not just take a couple of bricks down from the wall, let the ball falls in and see what's happening? 

Phosphene appeared, it blur your sight in one second, and it goes off. Somebody come into our life just in one hour time, or perhaps one day, but some stay until the end. You don't know who is going to stay and leave, you can't read their mind. Nevertheless, holding their hands and thoughts when they're still beside you,spending time to know them. Meanwhile, they will start to change their mind to stay alongside you. Do not slam the door shut and locked yourself in a non-light penetrating room. Day by day, light intensity getting lesser and lesser, darkness approaches, and you can no longer feel the colour and cheerful atmosphere around you. Always hold the key in your hand, unlock the door when necessary. Maybe friends are waiting you outside the door, waiting to give you a warm lovely hug, waiting to go for a road trip with you, waiting to spend his time with you. Give them a chance, give yourself too.  

 

I have been currently sit my ass off preparing for the final A levels exam. The result is a passport to future, I knew that. By realizing that, I strated to shut myself up in the room, filled my brain with all the knowledge that I have to know, refuse to interact with people. I scared when I opened the door, went over the fences, i can't control myself anymore. I have forced myself, give myself all the motivations and power to study throughout the weeks. I don't want the hard work fade off just like this. I CANT LET THIS HAPPEND. This is regarding my future. Praying to god, wanting Him give me the pillar of power to continue the journey. I feel bad to my family, my friends, for my inconsistent temper. I stressed up all the way. World war is happening in my brain and I have no weapon to fight against the enemies. I try to collect the weapons, but I realize that I start to run away, leaving all my alliance behind. I tell myself, this cannot go further. Turn back, pick up whatever you have and continue the war until the end of the day.  Cheer for your victory with all the teammates.  Open th door, let the fresh air in, take a deep breath, and move forward. Destination is not far away from the point you stepped. 

_szeyeeM